Somedays being chronically ill reminds me of my daily denials that I can do it all, then something happens and the pain, denial, and sadness of this reality slap me in the face. I surrender to the pain and begin to deeply think about what I am really doing. At one point I thought I was put here to help, to inspire, and maybe even help a lot of people not suffer as I have for so long. I felt this on a soul level. It drove me daily to keep fighting at work, in my business and my efforts to raise awareness for Endometriosis. My personality will not allow me to fail no matter what even if that means I fail me and my body.
But the stress of it all has become overwhelming and I am reminded that I cannot do it all because I am in fact sick. The pain and fatigue have been growing over the days and weeks. The time between flares is becoming less and less.
I am tired.
I am sick of being sick.
I don’t want to be in pain.
I don’t want surgery.
Why does this disease affect everyone so differently?
I work daily to feel the gratitude of all I do have. I know how lucky I am.
I can only hope that tomorrow is better.
Thank you for reading.
This post feels negative but it’s real.
Pain level 8.