Something is wrong with me. I am not sure what it is. I’ve had this overwhelming sadness over the past 2 days and almost an anxiety. Work has been crazy busy but that is not it. I think it’s the book I am listening too. Recommend by my trainer Mike Vacanti. I had just finished reading The Four Agreements (which was great check it out). I prefer to read vs listen to books but I decided to listen to Shoe Dog by Phil Knight, Founder of Nike. Because I needed a new book and it came highly recommended.

It’s about an 8 hour listen and the past two weeks I have been traveling and commuting long distances for work which has allowed me to listen more often than I normally would. I am about half way there. The story thus far is captivating, a real page turner. (not really relevant when listening but you know what I mean) But I think my unrest is coming from listening. I don’t want to spoil any part of the book but it has invoked serious emotion in me.

We all know how the story ends, it’s Nike. But it’s not just the story of Nike. It’s Phil’s story.

It’s inspiring. I believe the emotion could be any of the following things:

I want a legacy and I am not sure I am capable of it and that scares the shit out of me.

What am I doing?

What if it’s too late?

What if I am too old?

What do I REALLY want?

Most importantly, what if I cannot do it once I have it all figured out?

I know the answer is doing the work. I am. There are distractions, no not tv or wine, just life. I have several projects in motion, but why do I feel like I might be suffocating? I am not a clock watching 9-5 ‘er. Never have been, I am the one that had multiple jobs at once and only working in startup situations any other work environment and I’d be dead on the inside.

I am not sure I’ll be an entrepreneur or have a legacy but I am for sure going to try. Because as Phil says in the book, “if you’re not growing your dead”

Maybe it’s the 5 hours of sleep I got last night, all I know is my head is spinning today and last night too. Maybe this is some sort of sign, that I need to make what I want to happen and adjust the timeline.

Patience is the name of the game, but I think I’ve been distracted with what I thought would solve that burning pit in my stomach (a master’s degree, a higher role in a company) but it’s not working.

I am learning patience intimately right now on my fitness journey, more to come on that in a blog or vlog soon.

I am going to keep pushing forward as Phil does in this book and you should too. Trust your gut.

Mine is for sure telling me something…and I am going to trust it.

Let me know what you think, am I cra-cra, maybe…let me know below. Have you ever had moments like this?

Thanks for reading this random rant.